If you can’t sleep at night because you’re having visions of bright, flashing lights, loud music, packed auditoriums and old men pausing mid-speech to awkwardly wait for applause that doesn’t come, then you must be just as excited about E3 as I am. This is it. This is the big one! Each gaming company whips it out for all the world to see, usually to only be mocked and nit-picked to death over every little detail. So in order to get a head start on the nit picking, it’s my turn to deliver my Pre3 predictions for the big three.
Nintendo
What I Want to See
Nintendo needs to show us that they still care about gamers. Over the past few years, it’s become abundantly clear that they care about your mom, your grandparents, your little sibling and all the other people in your life that hadn’t played video games before, and that’s all fine and good. But guess what, Nintendo? You’ve got all those people playing already. The people you don’t have playing are the ones who have stuck by you through the ups and downs of your legacy, the actual gamers. Show us the new Zelda, of course, but don’t rest on your laurels thinking that’s enough. Show us a new IP to be excited about that isn’t secretly just an exercise plan. Show us that you still love us by implementing your waggle-wand in an intuitive way into some games we can sink our teeth into. And after you’ve left us breathless with all the kick-ass games you have planned, unleash the monster that is the 3DS, and proceed to steal the entire show with that awesome-sounding device in hand.
What I Don’t Want to See
Exercise games and sports games. Seriously, go ahead and leave those back at the office. We get it. The Wii can deliver active and healthy play experiences. We all know this because about three-fourths of the Wii section at Best Buy is covered in this crap. There are plenty of them; I really don’t need to see Wii90X. Actually, you know what, I’m totally going trademark that. I also don’t want Wii Sports 3. Let’s face it, bowling has already pretty much been perfected, Tiger Woods is killing it with a great golf game and honestly, some of the stuff on Wii Sports Resort was a bit of a stretch. So, job well done on sports games, and now never make another one again. I also don’t want to hear any stupid rhetoric about HD not being important or that the online experience is super great as it is because that’s all bullshit, and everyone knows it.
What We’ll Probably See
I actually have some faith that Nintendo has been listening to the fans for the past year. For some crazy reason, I think they come through for us this year. Unfortunately, I do think we’ll still see Cammy Dunaway fumble her way through a painfully awkward presentation of whatever the next big casual gaming craze is going to be, but I think it won’t be as bad as last year. They will hopefully show us more than one or two games to be excited about, and then, as long as it isn’t Virtual Boy 2, I think they drop bombs with the 3DS.
Sony
What I Want to See
I’m not going to sound very original here, but Kevin freaking Butler. As the central figure of one of their best ad campaigns ever, Kevin Butler has quickly become just as iconic as many of the fictional figureheads that star in many of Sony’s games. People love this guy. He’s clearly got the comedic timing and presence to deliver an engaging presentation. As far as games go, bring on the new stuff! The Last Guardian has the potential to take my GOTY spot with just a trailer, so they better show me more of that. I also want to see some of the PS2 properties that have yet to make the next-gen leap make an appearance…ahem…Sly Cooper. Also, as much as I’m fairly indifferent to the Move, I would be interested if they showed a game for it that actually looked…you know…good. And one more thing: Shadow of the Colossus HD.
What I Don’t Want to See
Just like Nintendo, I really don’t want to see Jack Tretton, or any other spokesperson for that matter, get on stage and lie straight to my face. I don’t want to hear that PSN is just as good as XBL. I don’t want to hear that Blu-ray will overtake DVD in the next two years. And, Sony, I really don’t want to hear that PS3 sales are performing exactly how you want them to because until they are beating the Wii and 360, we both know that’s not true. I also don’t want to see the Move demonstrated for more than a few minutes if it’s not going to be anything more than the WiiHD. We all get how motion control works for archery and fighting games; we’ve watched Nintendo do it for a few years now.
What We’ll Probably See
I think we are going to see a lot of games. With Microsoft being a fairly big mystery this year in terms of software and having to devote a lot of time to Natal, Sony can come right out and dazzle us with a killer game line-up for the rest of the year. We’ll probably see the Team Ico HD remix pack, which will definitely get me excited, and we’ll hopefully see some of the new God of War PSP game. I do think we’ll see Kevin Butler in some capacity. While I won’t hold my breath for him to host the whole show, he will be there. It’s just too bad that we’re also probably going to have to listen to Sony blather on about 3D being the next big thing. Puke.
Microsoft
What I Want to See
As much as I give Natal crap, I am very curious about it. It seems to have the potential for some really great applications, and I want Microsoft to show them to me. I want to see Natal controlled dashboards and games with intriguing uses for the device, and I want to see it all happening live. Oh, and I want the details on price, release date and all that other fun stuff. Other than that, I’d simply love to know what the hell they are going to have me playing for the rest of the year. We know about Halo: Reach of course, but what else is there? They can also have Cliffy B come out and show me a little Gears of War 3 gameplay as long I don’t have to sit through another boring explanation of their even newer meat physics. And if they are going to have any special guests, it certainly wouldn’t hurt my feelings to get Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill up there to present Arkham Asylum 2.
What I Don’t Want to See
I don’t want to see Natal tech demos and flail-ware. If I have to watch some poor intern stand in front of a room full of people and have an upright seizure, I’ll turn off the conference right then. I also don’t want to see a bunch of Natal videos telling me what the thing is going to do. The only “amazing” gameplay and interaction features that I believe are going to happen with Natal in the near future are the ones that I actually see a live person do on stage. No videos of Milo, no girls picking out outfits for the night and no couples pointing at a movie they are watching and ordering pizza on the fly. I’ll believe all that when I see it.
What We’ll Probably See
This is a tough call. I have two trains of thought here. One is that Natal could be awesome, and we will actually witness it do some of the crazy things it’s supposed to. The other scenario is that Microsoft had an E3 prep meeting that went something like, “Holy crap-sauce, Natal doesn’t do anything we said it would do! Quick, let’s get Cirque du Soleil to put on a huge show to distract everyone, and maybe they won’t notice!” Sadly, I’m not really sure which one we’re going to see.